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I grew up in a small neighborhood on the fringes of a medium sized city. The cookie-cutter ranch style homes were surrounded on three sides by wooded areas. We kids usually played in a fairly large clearing out in the woods where we wouldnââ,¬â,,¢t be constantly supervised by our moms. There was really quite a gang of us, this being a development in the ââ,¬Å"middle classââ,¬Â range of a family just starting out. In addition to me, I can think of Steve, Ray, Danny and Donnie (the twins), Eddie, Dan, Felicia, Libby, and Tammy. Tammy was the undisputed Queen, being three years older than any of the rest of us and big for her age on top of that. She was twelve years old when this story happened, and already about five foot nine. She was a big girl, thickly put together. She was the thick, strong type ââ,¬â€œ more of an Emme from Fashion Emergency than a Camryn Manheim type body. She probably weighed somewhere between 170 and 190 pounds. I would have been eight years old, nearly nine, when this all started. I probably wouldnââ,¬â,,¢t have weighed 80 pounds wearing soaking wet winter clothes, and was about eye level with Tammyââ,¬â,,¢s chest.

Arguments with Tammy tended to be very brief and very unfortunate for the other party. It was almost a ritual affair, there was so little variation in the results. Tammyââ,¬â,,¢s face would turn red. The other kid would realize, always too late, their mistake and take off running. Tammy would catch up to them very quickly. There would be a devastating tackle leaving the victim lying flat on his/her stomach, usually scratching and clawing at the ground still desperately trying to escape. Then the victim would be rolled over and Tammy would sit herself full weight across their hips and lower stomach. The victim immobilized, Tammy would take off her shoes and socks (assuming she wasnââ,¬â,,¢t barefoot like most of us spent our summer days) and plant her big feet in the victimââ,¬â,,¢s face. If the victim was dumb enough to try to turn their head away, Tammy would stomp hard on their ear with her heel. It usually only took one of these to force compliance. Thus pinned, the victim could then proceed to apologize, beg forgiveness, offer bribes, cry in humiliation and pain, and generally be as pathetic as possible until Tammy finally took pity on them and let them show how sorry they were. Showing how sorry they were always took one very humiliating form. The victim had to suck on Tammyââ,¬â,,¢s big toe for a good long time. Then she would get up and all would be forgiven. Iââ,¬â,,¢m sure that someone at sometime tried to fight back or buck her off of them, but I canââ,¬â,,¢t recall ever seeing it happen. It was just understood that hitting Tammy or squirming around too much would be almost akin to suicide.

I admit I was a fairly passive kid. Iââ,¬â,,¢ve never had much of a temper and would usually find a way to accommodate what the other kids wanted. Because of these traits, I had gone several summers and never felt the wrath of Tammy. I was very curious about it. There was something very enticing about seeing some poor boy or girl suffering beneath the weight of this much larger girl. I would daydream about what it would really feel like, and I had a strong impression I would enjoy it. This fantasy, however, had to contend with the reality of what my eyes saw. Her victims werenââ,¬â,,¢t enjoying themselves and would do anything to get her off of them as quickly as possible. I had never seen anyone endure it for even five minutes, at least not since I had started timing it the summer before. I had been tackled by Tammy many, many times. Pick-up and smear was one of our favorite games. I had, then, a very good idea as to how heavy she really was, and knew it wouldnââ,¬â,,¢t be easy to handle the reality of what my fantasies craved.

Now comes that fateful day in late April. We were playing tackle football (without pads, of course) and Tammy was on my team. I was running with the football after a kick-off and was sure I had a touchdown. It was then that Tammy accidentally knocked me down while trying to make a block. Without even thinking, I let my frustration vent by shouting, ââ,¬Å"God, youââ,¬â,,¢re so stupid!ââ,¬Â I never had a chance to even stand up all the way before I was flat on my back with Tammy lying across my chest. Thatââ,¬â,,¢s a small variation to the usual theme, I guess. Itââ,¬â,,¢s hard to explain my actions, and itââ,¬â,,¢s even harder to explain my thoughts. I just flattened out and stared at the sky, patiently waiting for her to begin my torment. I knew it was going to happen. I knew there was no use trying to get away. I just relaxed and waited. I suppose I should have been either frightened or excited. I had dreamed about this for a long time, but I had been afraid of the pain it would really mean. I should have experienced at least one, if not both, of these emotions. In truth, I remember my thoughts were very unemotional. I remember wondering if I should take a deep breath or let all the air out before she sat down. Should I tighten my stomach muscles or just relax? Would her feet stink really, really bad? These were the things I was thinking about when Tammy was lifting herself off my chest.

I felt her broad hips and well padded bottom sink into my lower abdomen and pelvis. She didnââ,¬â,,¢t drop hard onto me, nor did she slowly lower herself onto me. She sat normally, with no more thought or feeling than if she were sitting on a chair. My decision to tighten my stomach muscles was futile, as her weight immediately overwhelmed my limited strength and she settled deep into my lower torso. From the very beginning I could feel my pulse thumping inside my stomach, beneath her broad buttocks. My diaphragm was mercifully clear of her weight, and I could breathe almost normally, though I imagined with each exhale that I could literally feel my internal organs. I was still staring skyward and lying very still as she shifted her weight around while removing her Bass sandals. ââ,¬Å"Now whoââ,¬â,,¢s stupid?ââ,¬Â she taunted, reminding me that I had forgotten to begin my required supplications for mercy. I started to beg as she expected, and even began a sentence. However, I only got as far as ââ,¬Å"I amââ,¬Â¦Ã¢â,¬Â when I felt an unnatural rush of courage and completed the sentence ââ,¬Å"going to take everything you got.ââ,¬Â ââ,¬Å"Big words, little boy,ââ,¬Â she retorted as my world went black beneath her big feet.

The balls of her feet rested at eye level, with the bony part below each big toe resting squarely on each eye socket. She did this expertly, and would occasionally add pressure here, causing my black world to explode in whites and greens and pain. My nose was uncovered, resting between her insteps. I was lucky in that her feet didnââ,¬â,,¢t stink. I smelled mostly the aroma of the perfume she put on her ankles. Her heels rested below my jaw line and her toes were playing in the bangs of my hair. I was soon focused, however, on the shift in her weight that was caused by Tammy lifting her knees and bringing her legs together. She seemed to burrow deeper into me, pushing the organs not pinned beneath her higher up in my abdominal cavity. This could have been what really happened, or maybe it just felt that way. I do know it became a little tougher to breathe.

I lay there for probably a minute or two in complete silence. Both my fears and my fantasies were confirmed. This really hurt as much as I feared it would, but I was still enjoying the whole experience. ââ,¬Å"I donââ,¬â,,¢t care if it does hurt; Iââ,¬â,,¢m going to stay here until I just canââ,¬â,,¢t take it anymore,ââ,¬Â I silently assured myself. My silence was unexpected, a challenge to Tammyââ,¬â,,¢s supremacy, and she didnââ,¬â,,¢t like it. She began to grind her hips in a circular fashion, digging still deeper into my flattened stomach. I imagined I could literally feel her butt bone against my spine she seemed so deep into me. I did the best I could, but couldnââ,¬â,,¢t help but let a few squeaks of agony escape my clinched teeth. ââ,¬Å"Whatââ,¬â,,¢s the matter, little boy, am I hurting you?ââ,¬Â she taunted. I was fighting too hard trying to keep quiet to reply.

Eventually, she stopped grinding. I grabbed a few moments of what passed for relief before a new torment started. I felt the weight on my face increase significantly, then I felt her crash hard onto my stomach. The air left me in a loud grunt that seemed to amuse her because she giggled when she heard it. She was using her hands and her feet to lift herself up before crashing down hard into my stomach. With the balls of her feet digging into my eyes as she raised up and my stomach being pounded into tapioca when she crashed down, it was impossible to say which was the toughest part to endure. Individual sensations, however, quickly disappeared into a more general feeling of queasiness, and a distance seemed to grow between my thoughts and what was happening to my body. Being enveloped in darkness only added to this feeling of separation. I donââ,¬â,,¢t remember grunting any after that first bounce, but I canââ,¬â,,¢t imagine that I wasnââ,¬â,,¢t grunting with each impact, especially since I was grabbing quick gulps of air each time she raised up. I do know that if she hadnââ,¬â,,¢t worn herself out first, I would have vomited before too much longer.

When the bouncing stopped at last, she just let herself relax and rested, breathing heavily. I was grateful for the reprieve, but it would be a stretch to say I was able to rest with her full weight still pressing into me. The pulse inside my stomach was racing, and even my hips were getting very sore as the pressure of her weight tried to spread them outward and drive them downward. Then she said the first thing that really scared me, ââ,¬Å"Okay, stay there all day for all I care.ââ,¬Â It finally dawned on me that there was absolutely nothing compelling her to get off of me, and that I would sooner or later be forced to beg for mercy. I hadnââ,¬â,,¢t thought about the fact that I couldnââ,¬â,,¢t win, couldnââ,¬â,,¢t hope to outlast her, and I didnââ,¬â,,¢t like that thought very much.

As the next several minutes went by, I have no idea how many, the ratio between pleasure and pain steadily, if slowly, shifted more and more into painââ,¬â,,¢s favor. I was very sore. It was a dull, constant ache rather than short, sharp pains. At first, this is easier to endure since it lacks the intensity of a sharp pain, however, over time it becomes much worse because there is no relief, no means of bracing yourself against further strikes. I was getting so near the end of my rope that I had begun to consider what I would say when I started begging her for mercy. It was then that Felicia, the second oldest among us, came to my rescue. ââ,¬Å"Please get off him, Tammy. I think youââ,¬â,,¢re killing him. Look how still he is,ââ,¬Â she said. This must have frightened Tammy a little bit because her right foot left my face, then her left one followed. Dangling her left big toe over my mouth, she simply commanded ââ,¬Å"Suck it.ââ,¬Â I opened my mouth and received the toe. A little while later, she clambered off of me, ending my tale of suffering.

ââ,¬Å"Youââ,¬â,,¢re a stubborn little twerp, ainââ,¬â,,¢t ya?ââ,¬Â she teased me, maybe a hint of admiration in her tone. ââ,¬Å"It wasnââ,¬â,,¢t so bad,ââ,¬Â I managed to reply. ââ,¬Å"You shouldnââ,¬â,,¢t say that. If I think youââ,¬â,,¢re tough enough to handle it, Iââ,¬â,,¢ll start squishing you just for the fun of it,ââ,¬Â she warned me, smiling. ââ,¬Å"Anytime,ââ,¬Â I retorted, holding my ground. I guess I knew I was taking a very big bite with that reply, but it remained to be seen if it was more than I could chew.